At many football programs, the phrase “I don’t meet with parents” is spoken like a badge of honor. But what if that hardline stance is holding your team back? Coach David Alexander, a former NFL player and veteran Oklahoma high school coach, believes that building a winning program starts with the parents—not just the players.
Too many coaches assume that parent meetings only bring headaches and conflict. Coach Alexander sees them as strategic opportunities. Instead of shutting the door, he invites parents in. Why? Because redefining the coach-parent relationship is a powerful way to shift culture, combat negativity, and accelerate team success.
Transparency Builds Trust—and Culture
Coach Alexander explains:
“I will meet with anybody about their kid. Anybody wanted to meet… even if it was playing time, I would meet with them.” (06:08)
That transparency helps neutralize what he calls “uncoaching” at home—when parents unknowingly undo a coach’s work. Too often, kids hear from well-meaning family members that losing is okay because “we’ve never beaten that team anyway.” Over time, that mindset becomes toxic to a team’s growth.
By meeting with parents directly, Coach Alexander resets expectations. He shares the team’s standards, explains roles, and reinforces a winning culture. Parents don’t leave guessing—they leave aligned.
Parent Alignment Powers Program Growth
It’s easy for coaches to focus solely on drills, game plans, and players. But Coach Alexander challenges leaders to think bigger.
“Our kids… were getting what we started terming as uncoached. We would coach them for two and a half hours a day and then we’d go home and get uncoached.” (04:34)
To counteract that, he began holding monthly parent meetings, twelve months a year. The goal wasn’t just information—it was transformation. He engaged parents in the mission. They discussed what it really takes to beat rivals like Union and Jinx, not just on the field, but in mindset, preparation, and belief.
“If you want to win that game, everything has to change. Something significant in your life has to change to make that happen.” (08:41)
Coach Alexander shifted the focus of parent conversations—from complaints about playing time to a deeper commitment to team culture. That change helped turn Broken Arrow and other schools into competitive, respected programs.
A Stronger Community, One Conversation at a Time
These meetings aren’t about placating upset parents. They’re about setting clear expectations, showing mutual respect, and building a united front.When a third-string quarterback’s mom or dad shows up demanding more snaps, the conversation stays grounded in shared goals and honest feedback.
The result? Less sideline drama, more sideline support.
“It’s enabled us to make the stands, the stands on Friday nights, a much happier place.” (13:48)
When coaches commit to redefining the coach-parent relationship, they create ripple effects. The players buy in faster. The administration backs the mission. The community starts to believe. And ultimately, the wins follow.
Final Whistle: Coaching the Whole Ecosystem
A football program doesn’t just shape athletes—it reaches families, strengthens communities, and defines a school’s identity. When coaches lead with purpose, the impact stretches far beyond the field. Coaches who embrace that responsibility—and choose to communicate openly with parents—build more than winning teams. They build winning cultures.
If you’re serious about building a winning program, start with the parents. Sit across from them, listen, and lead. Your team’s future may depend on it.
Related:
Make Parents Your Biggest Allies – JP Nerbun, Coach, Consultant, Author
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